I've got to write this experience down quick before it flees my mind.
This morning before Church I was dithering back and forth over whether to go or not. Kenna and Natalie have been fighting little colds all week and I wasn't sure if they were too sick to go or not. But I finally decided that I wanted to go and if necessary I could just sit in the foyer with them instead of taking them to nursery.
Our meetings start smack-dab in the middle of Natalie's nap. Which is a challenge every week. She is so tired. I usually leave during part of Sacrament Meeting to feed her and try to get her to go to sleep. Which usually fails. Today I made another effort. Kenna was being a pill. She followed me down the hall - laughing loudly - and ran and hid from Hannah. I helped Hannah corral her again before disappearing with Natalie. Today, amazingly, Natalie fell asleep while I rocked her. So I sneaked back into the meeting, handed her to Hannah, and took a turn with the NAUGHTY KENNA MONSTER. Because that's what she was today. During the rest of the meeting she yelled, laughed, talked loudly, scratched my face, pinched me several times - and just overall made me very miserable. I was determined not to reward her behavior by taking her out and letting her run around the foyer. But by the end of the meeting I was in tears (which is a rarity for me) and thought to myself - "No. I'm not doing this again. I'm not coming back". I was that unhappy. I've always said that it's the example of going to Church that's important - I read the Ensign articles! I know! But today my heart was sad and I didn't want to go through another hour like this morning ever again. I was shocked, really, by how I felt. But it was my honest feeling.
I cried through the closing song and prayer and was just barely pulling myself together at the end of the meeting when the quiet gentleman who sits in front of us every week (poor man) slid over and turned around so he could see me. He told me, "I used to hate hearing children being loud in Sacrament Meeting. It used to really bother me. But it don't bother me no more. It's like music to my ears. You know why? Because it's the sound of children being brought up in the Gospel. And that's a good sound".
He said exactly what I needed to hear right then. I cried again. I know the message Heavenly Father wanted me to hear is that the ward members understand. And they don't care if Kenna is loud and Natalie is fussy. They know that I'm doing it on my own while Josh is on the stand. But it will be worth it someday.
So today I'm grateful for a man who listened to the soft promptings of the Spirit and told me exactly what I needed to hear. And I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to send that man with his message.
Meanwhile...I've got to come up with either some ways to occupy Kenna, or a way to get Natalie well-rested before Church. I wish Kenna liked to color!
3 comments:
Sounds like most of our Sacrament meetings. Don't you love this restless age? Brian and my's rule is we take them out but we hold them. That makes them upset not to be let down, so it's a punishment. The down side of that is that we usually don't make it back into the chapel. Asher's now beginning to catch on that if he calms down he can go back inside.
I don't know if it was just her mood, but Kenna spent a good 25 minutes playing with our doodle pad in Relief Society. My kids aren't distracted by that more than a few seconds, and don't care too much about coloring either.
I'm so glad the brother helped you feel better. I remember those days so well!
Back in my "why do I even bother to go to church" days Carol Williams told me about how every week J.D. had to be drug in literally kicking and screaming. I think you must remember him as Mr. Church-guy.
Next year as a 3 yr. old, Kenna will do better, and you CAN survive until then. This too shall pass, this too shall pass...
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